Thanks to: Sandram for the beta.
Disclaimer: The characters contained herein are the property of DC, Miller
& Gough, and the WB.
"Why didn't you try to talk him out of this?"
"I don't know him anymore."
The minute the words left his lips, he knew they were a lie. Chloe's eyes
narrowed, a mixture of disbelief and anger sparkling in their depths. He
wondered if he could recall the words; pluck them from the air with
super-human speed. Or, at least explain them away. Maybe the champagne was to
blame, its subtle intoxication loosening his tongue and dulling his control
where beer and wine could not. Better to blame the alcohol, than admit the
truth -- that grief was eating him alive.
"You don't know
him anymore? What kind of lame answer is that,
Clark?"
"The only one I have. Look, Chloe, I really don't-"
"Want to talk about it. Yeah, I know Clark, you never do." There was
sadness there in her gaze, and resignation, and a lingering trace of the anger
he'd seen before. So similar to the look she'd given him when he'd told her
his suspicions about this night, but different enough that he wondered just
who the sadness was for. "Just forget it, okay. Go get us some more
champagne. It'll be time for the toast, soon."
He made his way through the crowd, dodging raised glasses and waving hands,
trying to block the overwhelming noise of laughter and conversation pounding
against his ears. The LexCorp Christmas Party was well attended this year, as
usual, and moving anywhere was a challenge of navigating through close-packed
bodies. Another glass drained in a single gulp, two more retrieved and carried
back to Chloe, and he stood, waiting. Soon. It would be soon.
"Ladies and gentleman, friends, thank you all for coming."
It was impossible to look away, to be less than mesmerized by Lex's face, by
his voice. It always had been. Clark took another sip of champagne, swallowing
heavily as his breath caught in his throat. Soon. Too soon.
"I have an announcement to make, and I wanted you all to be the first to
know."
Could he blame the alcohol if he stormed to the front of the room, grabbed
Lex, and ran away? Never looking back? Would he be able to excuse his actions,
explain away the fire in his blood, with the champagne's intoxicating haze? He
clenched his fists, holding himself back. He could do this. He could stand
here, and smile, and lift his glass in a toast when Lex announced his
engagement.
He could deny his heart.
He'd been doing it for a long time.
"I think you all know Lana Lang; she's been an important part of this
community for years."
And here was the rub, the bitter truth that cut through his heart. Lana and
Lex. The love left behind and the love that never was. But which was which?
Funny, how the past four years blended and twisted the truth for its own
purposes. Lana was the one he loved. The one he'd wanted. Until Lex. Now, they
were both gone, drifted away in a haze of confusion and deceit. He thought
longingly of escape, of running away before Lex and Lana made their
"announcement", but knew that loyalty and the last, sickening tinges
of fool's hope would tie him here until the bitter end.
"Now, I'm asking Ms. Lang to accept my offer to become an even bigger
force in our town."
He clenched his fist around the champagne flute, feeling the fragile crystal
crack beneath his grip. He couldn't stay here, couldn't look at their smiling
faces, and raise his glass in celebration of the breaking of his own heart.
Better to rip his heart from his chest, and dance in pools of his own blood.
Drunk on his misery, he rushed from the room. Chloe called his name, but he
kept moving, trying not to drown.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Why did you leave?"
The night wind drifted cold and bitter through the loft's open window, blowing
the heavy clouds across the gravid moon. Clark stood still, frozen, eyes
watering as he struggled not to blink, not to move. Five hours after he fled
the party, and he had begun to hope his escape had gone unnoticed, discounted
in the wave of congratulations and well wishes.
Foolish hope, as ridiculous as the belief he could ever tame the yearnings of
his heart, crushed beneath the measured footfalls that marked Lex's ascent up
the stairs and to his side.
"It was too crowded, and the champagne went to my head."
A soft snort and a chiding chuckle met his announcement, Lex coming to stand
beside him. The slivers of moonlight peering through the cloud-cover lit his
face in alabaster, highlighting the curves of his body, hands thrust into the
pockets of his full-length coat.
"Come on, Clark, even I
know you don't get drunk. At least not on
something as innocuous as alcohol."
That hurt, the thinly veiled barb slipped into their banter with the ease of
long practice. Those same old issues come out to play, Trust, Betrayal, and
Friendship forming the points of the triangle that encapsulated their
relationship.
"I couldn't stand there and smile while..."
"While what, Clark?"
"While you broke my heart." Near-whispered, the words settled heavy
and thick between them as Clark clenched his eyes closed, unwilling to see the
ridicule on Lex's face at his confession.
"Broke your heart?"
"Seeing Lana there, with you..."
"Really, Clark, surely you're over the lovely Ms. Lang by now."
And what was there left to lose, on this night when the stars witnessed his
humiliation, and he lost everything he had ever wanted?
"It's not Lana that I'm not over."
Time seemed to stop, his heart thundering in his chest as the blood pounded in
his ears. He heard Lex gasp, softly, the inhaled air stuttering into his
lungs. This was it, the moment he'd been avoiding for years.
"Why now?"
Whatever he'd been expecting, that wasn't it. His eyes flew open, head
snapping around to face Lex, to read the vulnerable uncertainty in his
expression. Was there hope in Lex's eyes, or was it just the wishful
reflection of what Clark wanted to see? Did it matter anymore?
"Because I couldn't wait any longer. Because I've lost everything else,
so why worry about my pride. Because... because I wanted you to know the
truth."
"Interesting time to opt for honesty, Clark." And there it was, the
slight tremble in Lex's voice, the unsteadiness that told him Lex wasn't as
unmoved by Clark's declaration as he'd like to pretend.
"It wasn't a choice, Lex." He turned, fingers rising of their own
accord to trace the curve of Lex's cheek, hand lingering to cup his chin as
Lex leaned into his touch, eyes glistening in the moonlight.
" 'Nothing is less in our power than the heart.' " The words were
hushed, reverent, a vow and surrender all in one, drifting between them as Lex
curved his palm around Clark's shoulder.
The kiss was everything, and nothing. An end to the dance they'd perfected
years ago, a satisfaction and an aching plea for more. Lex's lips were warm,
smooth against the heat of his tongue and wet and pliant beneath him. He
breathed the air Lex exhaled through his lips, drunk on the taste of desire
and longing. A final, near-chaste press of lips and he stepped back, shaking
his head in bittersweet denial.
"Lex, we can't. Lana..."
Too painful to continue, to put into words the truth that would end this
fragile beginning.
"What about Lana?" Lex smiled slowly, pleasure and joy lighting his
face brighter than the sun.
"Lex?" Incredulous hope filled Clark, an answering smile teasing the
corners of his mouth.
"What does my new plant manager have to do with this? With us?"
Clark froze for a moment, stunned, and then tilted his head back, laughing
with full-throated abandon as he grabbed Lex, hauling him into his arms. Lex
laughed, too, arms clenched tight around Clark's waist as the sky lightened
with the first stirrings of dawn.
--End--